A New Tradition...
- Fairy Godmother
- Nov 20
- 6 min read
Here is the thing… the focus of Thanksgiving is on food. I don’t care what any one else says it is and most holidays have a focus of what is on the table because holidays are meant to remind you about the hard times and how in those hard times at the very least you can be thankful that you are not starving, but when the hard times are staring you right in the face it’s harder and harder to have a “happy thanksgiving.”
At the same time, when there are children in the house you don’t want to focus on the hardships so you try to get them excited about the things that remain the same. That’s the point of traditions: remind, remember, and remain. Today, I don’t want to be reminded, I don’t want to remember, and I certainly don’t want things to remain the same. The truth is thanksgiving was never happy.
My ancestors ended up on Turtle Island like most European immigrants because we hated where we were and hoped for a better place. When we arrived here, we learned that better is relative. We had no clue how to live in this new world, so we attempted to make friends and learn from those who had already made this land their home. Things didn’t automatically change for the better, and if it wasn’t for the kindness of others; we would have died that first winter.
The thing is… we are really forgetful and as soon as things started to get better; we started wanting more. The ego of the ancestors ripped through the land and started to destroy it, but a small resistance remained. This small resistance did everything they could to learn from those who lived here and worked together to create a better world for all people. The ego is still ripping through the land, but the resistance has continued to grow.
Today we remember every soul we have lost to the ego of others. The ego feels it has a right to take and do whatever they want without considering how those actions will effect those around them. The struggle of the ego is inside every person, and the capability of an individual to be incredible cruel tears a part families, literally causing them to go to war with each other.
The American Civil War was just one instance where the ego of two groups clashed. It was during this time that Thanksgiving became a federal holiday hoping to help bring unity to our land. Today may feel we are on the brink of another American Civil War, but what I ask is to really evaluate what would make your ego pull the trigger?
As a Marine, I’ve faced this question a lot and in every instance it comes down to keeping children safe. Now, what I think is “keeping children safe” and what you think is “keeping children safe” are going to look different because of what Einstein would call relativity. As parents, we place borders/boundaries to help control egos and maintain a feeling of safety, but what happens when those borders/boundaries are crossed?
At Thanksgiving, we stare these boundaries in the face as we force ourselves to give the illusion of unity while deep inside our egos are fighting for control. What makes one person happy often removes the happy from another and quite often in these times of celebration we drop our masks long enough for the ego to sneak out. Whether it is over football or over Great Aunt Martha’s mashed potato recipe, families often say things that drive wedges.
How do we move on from here? Do we ignore the pain? Do we forgive and attempt to forget? Is it possible to forget without dealing with the pain in the first place? I don’t know, but this year it is all about trying to figure out ways to just do things a little better than the day before. Hoping for the ego to ease while we remember the pain that has built our nation; not to be perfect, but to be a little better today than we were yesterday.
Allow me to introduce a new tradition… “Hive Week 2025.” Every year there is a few days to a full week for fall break where kids are not in school. Depending on your family, this time is spent visiting with extended family or escaping the day-to-day to do something different. Sadly, this is not a reality or a possibility for many individuals. Some would risk their health or their life to travel. Because of the ease of movement of many, the struggle of the few is often forgotten or ignored.
Why “Hive Week”?
You can learn a lot about life from learning about bees. When a particular hive becomes too crowded, the bees begin to swarm. The Old Queen Bee will leave the hive with about one half of the worker bees, and a New Queen Bee will remain in the Old Hive will establish a new colony.
A colony of bees is a social structure, known as eusociality, involves a division of labor with a queen, workers, and drones, cooperative care for offspring, and overlapping generations. It is a self-sustaining, collective society.
250 years ago Turtle Island looked very different. It was divided between colonial settlements and tribal lands. In terms of human social structures, the colonial settlements were a political settlement, governed by an external source where tribes were self-governing and a kinship-based social unit.
In terms of “best practices” for communities, the goal is a tribe or in our case a hive…
Colonial Settlements/Political Settlements were put in place because one individual was unable to keep their hands in their pockets, and someone else went to the local leadership to “settle” the argument about who owns what and what they can do about it.
Self-governing units usually have a “tie-breaker” as part of the self-governing process. The problem in self-governing is when the unit has a disagreement that causes a fracture or there is an outside influence that changes how things inside the unit operate.
There is no piece of law or settlement that governs your ability to be kind. Deciding which battles are worth fighting for and which battles are not worth your time is a big part about learning how to work within the community you find yourself in.
Learning when to make big decisions is another part of learning how to live in community. A decision that doesn’t have long term impact may be an easy decision, but others that could have long term impacts, or could effect, others need to be thought about in order to make a smart decision.
Living in a community is not always easy because disagreements arise. The key is learning how to advocate for yourself and others, which often requires learning who in the community you need to talk to and how to make your argument. This, also, goes to the importance of knowing your resources.
What is “Hive Week”?
It’s a time to get organized for the year ahead. Yes, it’s a time to be thankful for all that you have, but also be honest with yourself. This year was a freaking train wreck!!!
If you are the rarity that has it all figured out, how about you share some knowledge and resources with those of us that are struggling…
Identify your resources… this includes community partners that you work with or want to work with.
Identify what you have and don’t need and what you don’t have but do need.
Vision Board the crap out of what you want to see in 2026.
Start making a plan!! Sync your calendars, make your lists, and check them thrice.
What ever you do… DO NOT SHOP ON BLACK FRIDAY OR CYBER MONDAY!!!
Hive Week Daily Schedule
0800 Tantric Yoga
0900 Breakfast
1000-1200 Co-working Session
1200 Lunch
1300 Reading for Fun
1400 Go for a Walk
1500 Watch Christmas Movies & Declutter Your Mind, Computer, House… whatever you need to.
1600 Dance Party & Recap
Daily Themes
Monday - The Purge
Tuesday - Creating an Organization System
Wednesday - Learning Who, What, Where, When to Connect
Thursday - Honoring the Earth and the Ancestors
Friday - Some Things Are Worth Celebrating (But you shouldn’t have to go in debt to celebrate them)
What about Christmas?!?!
I get it. It’s the happiest time of the year and what not, but statistics actually say that it’s the loneliest time of the year so here’s the deal…
It’s my fault. I told my kids the truth about Santa when they were in 2nd grade, there was a whole argument in their class, and I got a phone call from the teacher about how they decided that everyone is free to believe in whatever fictional storybook character they want to. It’s time to be adults about it.
Here is what we do now…
My Christmas List
Something You Wear - Red Roller Skates
Something You Need - A new business outfit
Something You Want - A job that pays well
Something You Read - Nobody’s Girl by Virginia Giuffre
Gifts for Others
Dad - His Wear, Need, Want, and Read, plus a little Christmas magic*
Sissy - His Wear, Need, Want, and Read, plus a little Christmas magic*
Bubba - His Wear, Need, Want, and Read, plus a little Christmas magic*
Other Friends/Family - Homemade Gifts or Thrifted Gifts, plus a little Christmas magic*
*Magic is that unexpected, yet engineered miracle that you’ve been working on to make life a little easier for those around you.
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