Rule 1: Don't be an asshole

"You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar."

The turn of phrase means that it is more effective to be polite and pleasant when dealing with others than to be rude or critical. A gentle approach is more likely to help you get what you want.

There is a big difference between being kind, being polite, and just being an asshole. I was raised in the South where manners were literally beaten into you. It didn't take me long to learn the difference between a "oh bless your heart" and "wow you're an idiot." Learning how to fight with words that cut to the depths of a person soul was a matter of survival.

Middle school was when I really learned the importance of being kind. The older girls are the bus were brutal about my eclectic style. From day one, I was an original and a little naïve. By the time I realized they were making fun of me, I really didn't care... my sisters made me numb to the brutal attacks of the War of Words. I allowed their jabs to melt away and continued to be my fabulous self with a style all my own. As the year continued, the older girls began to let their guards down. "You're nothing like your sister." The off-handed comment came with the retort, "Well yeah... my sister is an asshole, but its not her fault. We kinda had it rough."

Growing up is hard, but when you are forced to face the ills of the world long before you have time to understand who you are - it forces you to build walls. Whether it is sarcasm, guilt, or the ever passive aggressive left-handed compliment, children are taught to create a divide to protect themselves. As they age, this divide turns into the mote of their castle. Never learning how to heal from pain or how to build healthy relationships through circles of mutual trust, the prickly exterior turns inward to self-loathing.

These same individuals, mostly full of self-loathing, all of a sudden decide that its not their fault, but the fault of everyone else and therefore everyone else must bend to their whims. They decide the only truth is their truth, and everyone else is seething with lies. Very quickly these individuals move from a constantly defensive stance to an offensive stance. After all, "the best defense is a good offense," at least that is what is used to justify their aggressively, preemptive moves.

The assholes of the world are all the same: weak-minded children who cannot tell the difference between constructive criticism and an attack on the very essence that defines them. Learn how to tell the difference between constructive criticism and the attack of a weak-minded child. Learn how to be kind not how to be polite. Don't be an asshole. The world has enough of them, and all of them stink.

More to come, but until then remember... stay alive.

XOXO, Sapiophielle